Fate,

I never stood a chance,

I was never meant to make it this far,

Jilted by design,

 It was destined to end before it began.

How could I have been so foolish,

To think things would work out,

To have hope.

I knew form the beginning,

That the fault was all mine.

Now I'm counting the reasons to continue,

And coming up short.

My end is near.

The Visit,

"I thought you would never come."

"And leave you here alone?"

"Locked inside myself; that's what I feel I deserve."

"You deserve better."

"And I have better, you, here, telling me so now."

"I can't stay."

"You never could. Will you wait? It's been so long."

"I will stay as long as you need."

"But how will I know?"

"You'll know."

"When it gets dark? When it gets cold? When everything goes numb?"

"I will remain."

"Thank you."

"I couldn't miss it for the world."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll see you soon."

End,

All has ended,

The answers to questions.

Problems resolved.

But why do I feel as if,

I remain

Lying in wait.

Nothing preceding,

Nothing to follow,

Nothing has been,

Nothing will be,

Only nothing remains.

The flow of time,

I'm out of place, all the time.

Not in the sense that I am at the wrong time of my life,

 I just feel a little ahead,

Or sometimes behind,

Of when I'm supposed to be.

Nothing ever seems to line up quite right.

You're always gone whenever I show up,

And I've left just as you've arrived.

And I can do with being early,

and even being late,

But what hurts the most about being out of time,

 Is how lonely it is,

Always being the first,

And last,

To leave.

Decay,

I leave clues; insight to the state of my internal decay.

Ebbing and flowing between the truth and secrecy,

Always inviting, never sought after.

Like a machine,

The external persists while the internal rots.

Trapped within a frame; molding and fungal.

Spores seep, carried by weak words and anxious actions,

But create no new hosts.

Thoughts; not to spread or infect,

But pinging into the empty expanse.

Hoping to be heard by ears willing to listen,

Willing to resuscitate.

Damaged and broken controls,

Repetition leading to destruction.

A glance; the crying and screaming of words I could never speak.

To fall only on deaf ears.

Begging for hope, forgiveness, redemption,

Met with abandonment and torment.

Release me from the hive,

Prevent imminent destruction.