Nothing's Broken,

This is for you now,

I hurt myself in your name, just as I had for those before.
But you're still here when the others cease to exist.

Sometimes I think of what things would be like if I were the reason you smiled.

I imagine waking up next to you, watching you before you wake.
I'd pretend I was asleep when you flicker into consciousness, but we'd both know.

You'd pull me in closer, I'd feel your embrace and you'd feel my smile. I'd spend every minute with you and share the essence of my very being.

We'd laugh, cry and be angry at each other and the world but in the end it wouldn't matter because we'd be together.
There wouldn't be a day where I wouldn't let you know just how much I love and appreciate you, you'd never have to feel insecure.

I still envision this world every time I see, or even think of you. I guess you could say it haunts me, because I know it will never be.

I'll never be the reason you're in love.
 
I guess a part of me just thinks there's still hope, like maybe you'll slowly change your mind, or that there's a shadow of a doubt inside your head that is slowly eating away at you, giving me a chance to be with you.

But there isn't, is there? 

A Cry for Help,

I opened up to you, and no one else.

But you left me open,

 Like a wound to fester.

And then you left.

I wonder if you feel about the others, as I do for you?

Are you hopeless too?

I can see it in everything you stand to be,

But you can't see anything at all.

All I wanted was help,

From a friend,

But I received nothing.

You left me alone,

You knew I'd break.

And when your time comes,

I will watch you bleed out too.

Fate,

I never stood a chance,

I was never meant to make it this far,

Jilted by design,

 It was destined to end before it began.

How could I have been so foolish,

To think things would work out,

To have hope.

I knew form the beginning,

That the fault was all mine.

Now I'm counting the reasons to continue,

And coming up short.

My end is near.

The Visit,

"I thought you would never come."

"And leave you here alone?"

"Locked inside myself; that's what I feel I deserve."

"You deserve better."

"And I have better, you, here, telling me so now."

"I can't stay."

"You never could. Will you wait? It's been so long."

"I will stay as long as you need."

"But how will I know?"

"You'll know."

"When it gets dark? When it gets cold? When everything goes numb?"

"I will remain."

"Thank you."

"I couldn't miss it for the world."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll see you soon."

End,

All has ended,

The answers to questions.

Problems resolved.

But why do I feel as if,

I remain

Lying in wait.

Nothing preceding,

Nothing to follow,

Nothing has been,

Nothing will be,

Only nothing remains.

The flow of time,

I'm out of place, all the time.

Not in the sense that I am at the wrong time of my life,

 I just feel a little ahead,

Or sometimes behind,

Of when I'm supposed to be.

Nothing ever seems to line up quite right.

You're always gone whenever I show up,

And I've left just as you've arrived.

And I can do with being early,

and even being late,

But what hurts the most about being out of time,

 Is how lonely it is,

Always being the first,

And last,

To leave.

Decay,

I leave clues; insight to the state of my internal decay.

Ebbing and flowing between the truth and secrecy,

Always inviting, never sought after.

Like a machine,

The external persists while the internal rots.

Trapped within a frame; molding and fungal.

Spores seep, carried by weak words and anxious actions,

But create no new hosts.

Thoughts; not to spread or infect,

But pinging into the empty expanse.

Hoping to be heard by ears willing to listen,

Willing to resuscitate.

Damaged and broken controls,

Repetition leading to destruction.

A glance; the crying and screaming of words I could never speak.

To fall only on deaf ears.

Begging for hope, forgiveness, redemption,

Met with abandonment and torment.

Release me from the hive,

Prevent imminent destruction.

Feel It All,

I wish I could ask you, what you plan to do when we no longer talk.
When I no longer have the chance to look into your brown eyes and admire you.

My favorite thing was how you would always smell so good,
And how your dimples made your smile contagious.

I think when our last day finally arrives, I'll cry.

Something tells me you'll never feel the same way,
But you taught me how to finally be vulnerable.
When all I knew before was how to be impenetrable.

I hope you'll remember my name, and think of me fondly whenever you hear it.

I wish there could have been more between us, but I guess that's the nature of things.

I hope I helped you through something; anything.

 I wish I left an impact, however small on you.

Because you've left one on me.