The flow of time,

I'm out of place, all the time.

Not in the sense that I am at the wrong time of my life,

 I just feel a little ahead,

Or sometimes behind,

Of when I'm supposed to be.

Nothing ever seems to line up quite right.

You're always gone whenever I show up,

And I've left just as you've arrived.

And I can do with being early,

and even being late,

But what hurts the most about being out of time,

 Is how lonely it is,

Always being the first,

And last,

To leave.

Decay,

I leave clues; insight to the state of my internal decay.

Ebbing and flowing between the truth and secrecy,

Always inviting, never sought after.

Like a machine,

The external persists while the internal rots.

Trapped within a frame; molding and fungal.

Spores seep, carried by weak words and anxious actions,

But create no new hosts.

Thoughts; not to spread or infect,

But pinging into the empty expanse.

Hoping to be heard by ears willing to listen,

Willing to resuscitate.

Damaged and broken controls,

Repetition leading to destruction.

A glance; the crying and screaming of words I could never speak.

To fall only on deaf ears.

Begging for hope, forgiveness, redemption,

Met with abandonment and torment.

Release me from the hive,

Prevent imminent destruction.

Feel It All,

I wish I could ask you, what you plan to do when we no longer talk.
When I no longer have the chance to look into your brown eyes and admire you.

My favorite thing was how you would always smell so good,
And how your dimples made your smile contagious.

I think when our last day finally arrives, I'll cry.

Something tells me you'll never feel the same way,
But you taught me how to finally be vulnerable.
When all I knew before was how to be impenetrable.

I hope you'll remember my name, and think of me fondly whenever you hear it.

I wish there could have been more between us, but I guess that's the nature of things.

I hope I helped you through something; anything.

 I wish I left an impact, however small on you.

Because you've left one on me.

 

Resolve,

As I stand at the precipice of ruin and creation,

The bodies of friends and foe alike will be strewn across the battlefields.

I will look upon the rising sun,

And remove the knives from my back.

I will claim dominance over the shackled realm.

I will harness the entirety of substance before me;

And obliterate all which stands to oppose new jurisdiction.

I will unravel the very universe,

Blacking out all the light,

And dispersing chaos.

And in a final act of destruction: I will establish order.

I will construct lattices of truth, and deny annihilation. 

History will be re-written,

 Reality will bend to my very whim,

And you will cease to exist.

Hardwired,

Fear,

Without you

I will lose

Everything I have learned.

I cannot feel the warmth,

I cannot feel anything at all.

 Do you understand? I know the truth

Maybe you should give up lying to yourself.