Hello,

I'm still alive

What I exactly mean by that I don't really know

My heart is still beating

My lungs, breathing

But everything else is cold and empty

I'm still alive

But I wish I wasn't

Lock and Key

I don't know who I've been lately, but I certainly haven't been myself. At least, I haven't been the me I always knew myself as.

I haven't let myself create for the longest time, and I couldn't do that to myself anymore.

I tend to only create, and have vision when I'm vulnerable. I like to play with it, maybe it's just a part of who I am.

But this post isn't like those other posts.

For once I'm not lost. I'm not looking for something, searching for someone or anything like that. I've finally realized that it's all just going to be okay.

I don't really have a plan, but I'm hopeful, and considering the past few months... this is good.

I want to integrate creating with being okay.

Why would I want to be scared, or lost, or hurt?

Perhaps it's because it was easier for me to cope. I mean, it's not 'Coping with Consciousness' for a reason right?

This whole time it's always been about pain. So when I haven't been there, I guess it's because I was the closest to happiness.

But it's going to be different now. I can fucking create things with more than just misery. I can do this. You can too.

That Life We Could Have Lived

I like to think of our time together as a place.

A place that nobody else in the history of time,

can ever go.

It's our special place;

At least it was.

Like with all moments in time,

We walk from room to room,

Without stopping to enjoy just one.

I know that one day, you'll try to re-trace your steps,

And visit our place.

But I won't be waiting for you,

And there will be nothing to go back to.

 

Cast Away

Grasping at sinking ships,

How did it end up like this?

You wanted to get me,

So you got me,

And then you let go.

Now everything you did,

is just an echo.

Hanging with a rope around my neck,

Maybe it's for the best.

Okay?

No it's not.

And it's not going to be.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Trying to play hero for someone who wouldn't do the same for you?

Do you honestly think it's going to be any different than it was in the past?

You really fixed it then, hero.

A decision not made by your heart is only going to lead to sadness,

Is that what you want for everyone around you?

Because that's the path you're taking.

I'm foolish, but I'm not a fool.

And I'm not a sucker.

 You having a self-righteous mission,

Doesn't justify breaking someone's heart.

It was doomed from the start.