I feel as if this is necessary.
I have nothing nice to say, I have no more hope.
Everything I believed in came crashing down around me, and now there is nothing left.
I was delusional, and now I'm paying the price.
I know it was foolish, but there was nothing else I could do.
I wanted it so bad that I was willing to fight, and risk it all.
But I guess there was nothing to fight for, and too much to lose.
And I lost it all.
..sadly I know that experience of such confusing and heart aching loss too.
ReplyDelete..Except I didn't fight, I didn't give it my absolute best..I was cautious and looking for reciprocal effort and working together instead of pulling in different directions.
I realise now that all that was needed was for me to relax, trust and accept. I was so attached to a specific outcome that I was anxious and fearful, attractive eh?!
...I sabotaged ...or at least contributed to my loss by living a self fulfilling prophecy based in lack of faith, hope and trust.
I've learned my lesson the hardest way and I sure hope that I don't forget all i've learned!
Is this similar to you? Have you lost what you wanted so bad and tried to fight for and also lost your back up plan too?
...I didn't have a back up plan...but i'll sure as heck have one, two or three in future!!
Good luck and love to you, thanks for your posts, they put into words the very muddles that are sometimes unspoken in my heart.
Sending my love and support.
ReplyDelete