That Life We Could Have Lived

I like to think of our time together as a place.

A place that nobody else in the history of time,

can ever go.

It's our special place;

At least it was.

Like with all moments in time,

We walk from room to room,

Without stopping to enjoy just one.

I know that one day, you'll try to re-trace your steps,

And visit our place.

But I won't be waiting for you,

And there will be nothing to go back to.

 

Cast Away

Grasping at sinking ships,

How did it end up like this?

You wanted to get me,

So you got me,

And then you let go.

Now everything you did,

is just an echo.

Hanging with a rope around my neck,

Maybe it's for the best.

Okay?

No it's not.

And it's not going to be.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Trying to play hero for someone who wouldn't do the same for you?

Do you honestly think it's going to be any different than it was in the past?

You really fixed it then, hero.

A decision not made by your heart is only going to lead to sadness,

Is that what you want for everyone around you?

Because that's the path you're taking.

I'm foolish, but I'm not a fool.

And I'm not a sucker.

 You having a self-righteous mission,

Doesn't justify breaking someone's heart.

It was doomed from the start.

Hearts

Our hearts are funny things.

Sometimes we hold them so tightly,

Trying not to let ourselves get hurt,

That we forget to feel.

Sometimes we show such little concern for them,

And hold them too far from us,

Pretending we don't care,

And that never works.

You think we'd know better by now,

That we should treat them better,

Because we only have one.

And how could you possibly share it with someone,

If you break it?

We're always so worried,

'What if I share it with the wrong person?'

It's something we all wonder.

Like we only have one opportunity,

Like the decision is final.

But that's not how our hearts work, is it?

It's not that simple at all.

Maybe we want it to be,

So much so that we forget just how tough they are.

It's okay to feel,

And it's okay to get hurt.

It's not the end of the world.

It's okay to make mistakes,

And learn from them.

Our hearts are funny things,

And capable or more than we think.

For Those Still

Well, I think this is it.

To anyone still out there, anyone who's still coping with consciousness, this is it for me.

It's not for good. I'll be back.

But it's time for me to go again. I know I never told you I left the first time, and I'm truly sorry.

But all light has left my life. Things are going back to the way it was before. I'm becoming numb.


I've lost my light, my inspiration. My heart's been broken and I need some time to fix it.

My medication has run out, and I can't cope anymore.

I'll be back when I can wake up and actually get out of bed, instead of just being paralyzed with a pain in my chest that's all in m head.

I'll miss you, and I'll still be around.

You won't be forgotten.

But for a while, I feel like I won't be able to post anything, and I'm sorry.

Please share your stories with me, help me get better.

With Love,

M. Haines

Anything Could Happen

Well Kiddo, this one's for you,

I don't think I need to tell you that I believe in love.

But I hope you understand I'd do anything for it. 

And maybe this all seems crazy, 

I'm sure it does.

But let me tell you,

I'm not talking about right now.

 As much as I'd like to believe it's something that comes easy,

it isn't.

It's something you have to struggle to really realize,

And fight for once you realize it.

I understand you've been hurt, 

And as much as you don't want me to get it,

I do.

I know your heart still has a lot to sort out.

But nothing I said was a lie.

 I don't know the day, or just where the sun sat in the sky,

 When your heart finally gave up,

But I know that feeling.

Remember to commit to your feelings.

Be scared,
Be angry,

Be sad.

You're going through everything that will define you.

And when I said it wasn't going to be easy.

I was also referring to myself.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is,

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to hurt you,

I'm not.
I'm just hurting too, and this is how I deal with it.

Besides, you should know that about me.

You seem to get everything else.

And when it comes to us, I still see potential.

That moment in the dark, was ours.

Just as it was under the full moon.

There was potential then, and there still is.

Anything could happen.

Take Cover From The Cold

It's a shame you don't know what you're running from,

All the things you did that can't be undone.

I hope you learn what it's like to hurt who cares about you,

When all they wanted of you, was to pull through.

 

It's the decision you chose that made things this way,

The feelings you had, that you left astray.

I hope you feel the cold of the void,

But know that not everything in the end was destroyed.

And The Floodgates Closed

All the floodgates closed,

And that was your decision.

All the feelings that ever were went with them.

Every tear from the basin was locked away.

Because if it's tears you want,

You won't find them here.

I still think you have potential,

But that's locked away too.

 And you don't have the key.

You can close doors.

But be warned:

Some doors lock themselves once they've shut.

Down The Open Road

Carried my broken heart,

Across the busy street,

Nobody stopped,

I wouldn't have either.

Yeah I really thought,

Things would've been different.

This time around,

I thought you were special.

I guess it was too much,

To put my heart in you,

And I thought we'd go somewhere,

But I guess it wasn't true.

Yeah it's gonna be tough,

To not believe what I used to,

I'm sure I'll be fine,

If it's only for a while.

There's still the odd pain,

Like a spike through my chest,

But nothing I can't deal with,

I've done it all before.

Stone Hearts

My adversities liquify,

The tide comes in,

 And I die.

My adversities solidify,

There's no eyes in the strangers,

Passing us by.

What's left of this world,

After everything shatters?

What's left of my mind,

Does the end even matter?

When the damage is real,

And we both know the cost,

With the words said I feel,

All that we've lost.

Office Hours

The last one out turns off the lights, and all life has left the room.

It's the sound of the office in the earliest hours of the morning.

The backup lights hum their tune, the same one as they've been humming all day,

even though they know nobody is listening.

And still they keep out the dark with their florescent stare,

And will do so until they die.  

The breathing of the fans compels the dust to dance through the air,

Until it finally settles on the top of the cabinet, 
To sleep undisturbed for days.

Even without the people,
Even without the sunlight,

The office carries on.

It's In The Tune You Hum To Yourself, Too

"Well yes," I said, "the nights are going to be dark."
"But I just feel like I don't know anything." You said.
"How are the days supposed to be bright, if there's no darkness?"
You looked at me.
"There's always going to be rough times. But that's not how you measure life."
"What do you mean?"
"There's so much more when you focus on what you've done, rather than what you didn't do."
"But what If I wasn't sure about anything I did."
"But you did something. And you'll always have that."
"I don't know."
"Don't know what?"
"I just feel so confused"
"Well that's because it's confusing."
"I'm so scared."
"And it's a scary thing. But you're not alone. You're never alone."
"But what if I make the wrong decision?"
"That's impossible."
"Why?"
"Because there is no wrong decision. There's never been a right or wrong answer; there might never be."

"But how do I know if I did the right thing?"

"Because you'll feel it in your heart, 
And in your head,
And sometimes you'll get shivers, and that'll be the reason why.
And when you open your eyes first thing in the morning, it'll be the first thing you'll see.
And when you're not even thinking about it, it'll give you a reason to smile.
And it'll dance around inside your head as it rests gently upon your pillow and you drift off to sleep."

To Be Noted

Let it be said that I too have a heart. And while I am sometimes careless and reckless, I know my heart better than anyone.

Yes, I've let you in, and it's grown a strong attachment to you, but it is still my heart.

And if I must, I will protect it with all that I am.

I have feelings too, and don't think I'd be so inclined to grant you forgiveness for altering them.

I do believe that you belong here, but don't forget about the magnitude of consequences that stem from the actions I take.

Much like yours.

The Girl And The White Room

The girl sits in her white room, walls caked red beneath the imaginary layers of white.

Her tears are oceans in a vast world where all she's ever known exists. In that world she feels the sun's glow, it's warmth on her skin. In that world she feels the wind tickle her cheek and the breeze flow through her hair. In her world green grass grows at the base of full and beautiful trees, and fields have flowers.

But in this world, all she knows is her white room. Outside the lonely window she sees a tree, twisted and misshapen, sad and decaying on a hill of dead leaves.

In this world, the rain she sees is lifeless, not like her tears. The rain that falls is not oceans. The rain that falls is cold and it hurts her. The wind she feels is bitter and it stings her. The sunlight she sees hurts her eyes and makes her weary.

All she knows is her white room. Her white room caked red beneath the imaginary layers of white.

Rooftops

These hands, 
Your hands,

Hold my heart.

And I hold my head,

In disbelief.

What has become of my world?

Reshaped and reforged by you.

Can you hold it here,

For as along as you can?

Please don't forget,

That you hold my heart,
And all it contains.

Don't let it fall from the rooftops,

But let it fall for you.

Trade

"I'll trade you a selfish past, for a selfless future."

Flash Point

Spitting words of ash,

Burning my tongue on the decline,

Searing

The way you left me,

To set myself on fire,

Like a constellation,

Guiding you down the wrong path

When I am spread against the wind,

Maybe then you'll realize the heat of everything I did,

Maybe you'll understand why it engulfed me,

How I was consumed,

By your flames

Searing Chills

Live your life

Through the mirrors

Shed the blood

And the fears 

I had before

Days have since gone by

But the situation stays the same

Nights are numb

And the ice freezes through

Feelings forgotten

Like time

They are only man made

Will This Be My Tomorrow?

Destructive habits are all I've known,

Ways to preservation lost in translation.

So it will be like it was before,

Alone.

Lost in the stations that see no people,

Hollow echoes through the tress who's hugs have grown cold and died.

The days will merge like they did before, filling my head but leaving it empty.

What was meant by what we said?

When it all falls, will you still be there?

And what of the pieces left in your hand?

 Will you put them back the way they were?

Or try to erase the past in front of you?

This Can't Last

Feelings from the past,

Collapsed.

Truth through lies,

Despise.

These feelings I can't feel

There's something stopping my head

But the truth is just so real.

New mistakes to learn,

In old words I've said.

I can't believe it all,

 But will it ever end?